


Feel Me

by AvaSparks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Enhanced Reader, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Mentions of past abuse, Smut, Trigger Warnings, bucky is fucked up, but it gets better, mentions of past abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 01:17:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10426014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaSparks/pseuds/AvaSparks
Summary: Your abilities turn out to be exactly what the Avengers need to help Bucky.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've rewritten this recently and it was posted on my Tumblr for quite some time before that.

After living in New York for little over two years, you had a steady job at a lunchroom. It wasn’t all that glamorous, but you enjoyed it. The place was quiet, kind of secluded, but often moderately busy with regular patrons.

The second week in working your new job, in a new city, in a _new country_ even, a man walked through the door just as you opened up shop. He seemed shy, timid, and waited patiently until you finished locking down the doors so they wouldn’t slam shut with the wind picking up.

“Good Morning” you said airily, noticing that he wouldn’t look at you. It wasn’t that he was trying to be rude, not at all, he was nervous, shy maybe.

“I’m Y/N” you said gently as you reached out your hand for him to shake, defusing the situation for him, working your ‘magic’.

Finally he looked up at you, surprised at the hand suspended in front of him. He must be in his mid 40’s, his hair slightly greying, as his eyes rested on yours, he finally graced you with a small smile as he took your hand.

“Bruce" he said quietly.

You smiled brighter, “would you like some coffee, Bruce?”

He nodded, “yes, thank you, um, Y/N”

You nodded, taking note that his nerves were slowly ebbing away, evening out. He was still cautious; but more at ease. It seemed like he was used to being on edge, careful.

“I’m sure you didn’t come in here for just coffee” you called out from behind the counter, keeping your voice even and soft.

“I’d like some sandwiches, um, to go, please” Bruce cleared his throat, awkwardly but he gave you a smile nonetheless.

After taking his order, you motioned him to take a seat, while you got everything ready for him.

“So, Y/N, you live in the neighbourhood?” Bruce asked, surprised at his own question. He usually wasn’t very good at small talk.

“Yeah, I do. Just up the block, since two weeks now” you smiled while cutting up tomatoes.

“Really? Where did you live before moving here?”

Bruce seemed increasingly surprised at his own actions. Apparently small talk _really_ wasn’t his thing. Up until now, that is.

“Berlin, Germany” you smiled, looking up briefly to see Bruce enamoured with how you were expertly preparing his order.

Bruce raised his eyebrows, “You’re a long way from home then”

You chuckled. “Nah, home is where my bed is”

Bruce chuckled in return. It was obvious how he wasn’t used to be so comfortable around a stranger. It was also obvious he wanted to know more about you.

“Your English is impeccable”

You smiled at his compliment, “Thank you, I love the language more than anything. But what about you, Bruce? You live around here?”

“I do live around here” he smiled.

You hummed. “Very compact answer, trying to come off as a mysterious stranger?” you grinned.

Bruce laughed lightly, “Maybe I am”

“Well, you made your first mistake by telling me your name then” you smiled sweetly as you rounded the counter, giving him his order.

“Ah. Right” he face palmed himself jokingly. “Duly noted”

You giggled, “Enjoy your lunch Bruce. I hope to see you again”

“Thank you, Y/N. It was nice meeting you”

_Avengers Base_

“Finally! Food!” Tony yelled throwing his hands up impatiently.

Immediately digging into the sandwiches, Tony’s eyes grew wide. “Holy shit, where’d you get this? This is amazing!”

“A lunchroom a few miles from here. It opened a few months ago” Bruce answered with his mouth full.

“What were you doing so far off course?” Tony squinted his eyes in suspicion.

“I like to take walks, Tony. You should try it sometime. It’s calming”

“Now why would I walk anywhere when I have a variety of fast cars to drive? That’s just dumb”

Bruce grinned and shook his head.

“Tomorrow, you go back there, and get me the same damn sandwich. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven” Tony said pointing at his food.

“Gladly” Bruce mumbled, he wouldn’t mind seeing Y/N again. There was something about her that just made him feel at peace.

“There’s more to this lunchroom than you’re letting on, isn’t there?” Tony said grinning widely.

“What? No! what makes you say that?” Bruce hastily backtracked, immediately realising his mistake.

“Your reaction, just now” Tony grinned. “But don’t worry, I wont tell anyone your little secret. What ever girl you’re stalking there, I wont let anyone else interfere”

Bruce rolled his eyes, knowing he’d never hear the end of this.

* * *

The next day, you opened up shop at 11:30 again, and like clockwork, Bruce showed up on your doorstep, smiling brightly.

“Bruce, hi” you smiled back at him.

“Hi Y/N. How are you?”

“Good, thank you. How was the food?” you said as you lead him inside the quaint shop.

“Well, my friend loved it so much that he _ordered_ me to bring him more today”

You chuckled, “I’m glad to hear that. So, the same order then?”

“You remember what I ordered yesterday?” Bruce asked you with raised eyebrows.

“I do” you winked at him.

He let out a breathy laugh, “That’s impressive”

You just chuckled, “It’s not that busy of a neighbourhood, I remember almost every order, just because there aren’t so many to go around”

Bruce laughed, “and here I was, thinking you had a photographic memory”

“No, not that” you mumbled smiling. “Coffee?” you asked as you prepared his order.

“Yeah, thank you. Will you join me?” The question left his mouth before he even noticed.

“Um, sure. But what about your food?” you said as you took out another cup.

“Tony can wait” Bruce shrugged.

“Okay then, if you’re sure he wont mind” you grinned, as you sat down at the table, giving him his coffee.  

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” he asked suddenly, shy.

“Sure I do” you said calmly.

Bruce was clearly taken back by your answer. Knowing who he was, and still so comfortable in his presence. That didn’t happen often.

“Y-you know that I’m..”

“Bruce Banner?” you finished his sentence. “Yes, I do. How could I not?” you smiled. “And I assume your friend _Tony_ , is Tony Stark?” you grinned at him knowingly.

Bruce recovered from his shock and laughed lightly, “Yes, he is”

“Well, it’s nice to know that two members of the Avengers are addicted to my sandwiches” you chuckled.

After that you got to talking more intimately, Bruce seemed genuinely interested to find out why you came from Berlin to New York. The acquaintance formed into a friendship that resulted in Bruce coming by every other day to just chat and drink coffee at the lunchroom.

And to feed Tony’s cravings for your sandwiches.

At a vulnerable moment he told you that your presence somehow calmed him and being around you seemed to wash away the ever building stress inside him. You’d just smiled and told him you were glad to hear that and accommodate; not willing to open up regarding your own secrets just yet, sharing that kind of information is what got you in trouble in the past.

Some months later, you started coming around the Avengers base, to your own amazement. Bruce wanted to show you where he worked, and introduce you to the team (and a sandwich delivery after opening hours) You knew he wanted more excuses to have you around, but you were reluctant to come over too often, knowing full well that your presence could be as addictive as the sandwiches. This wasn’t your ego, but the gift/burden you carried with you ever since you could remember.

The whole team instantly latched on to you, always trying to take up your time while you were around. Natasha and Bruce even talked a lot more, and that was a rare occurrence since he disappeared and seemingly just showed up again one day; when in reality, Tony tracked him down and convinced him to reunite the science buddies team.

Steve was immediately swept away by your bright smile and extremely positive attitude. A breath of fresh air he called you. He’d never told anyone how he struggled after waking up in a future he didn’t know, or related to in any way. Until you came around. There was something else hanging over him though, something he wouldn’t share with you, yet. But you never pushed, or even asked for that matter. They just opened up automatically and seemed to feel better afterwards.

And then there was Wanda, who was in quite the dark place after all that happened. She was drawn to you excessively, almost obsessively. She took even more of a liking to you than Bruce did. She said she could actually _see_ your aura.

“It’s so beautiful, Y/N” she said to you as you sat on the couch in the common room with a cup of tea in your hands, warming them after your trip over to the compound. Outside rain was pouring freely all day, casting the surrounding fields in a grey, almost solemn air. Just sitting there talking and joking with her and Bruce made you feel genuinely happy and free. More than you’d felt in a long time.

“It’s a kind light blue that I have never seen before, it’s so.. calm” she beamed at you.

Not knowing how to react, you just blushed and giggled out a small thank you.

“Oh my G-..” Wanda breathed as she stared at you with her eyes enlarged.

“What?” You asked, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze.

“You were blushing” she trailed.

‘Um.. yeah, you gave me a compliment, makes me feel a little uncomfortable sometimes” you chuckled at her surprised face.

“Yeah- no, I know, but.. Your aura blushed too!” She said quickly. “It turned pink!”

You stared at her, and knew that the jig was about to be up. Here goes nothing

“Judging by the look on your face, that’s not normal?” You deadpanned.

Wanda shook her head frantically. “No! Some ones aura never changes. It’s a reflection of some one’s being, it’s not a _moodring_ ” she explained, still wide-eying you.

You processed what she’d just said and sighed. “I think I should tell you guys something”

Bruce sat up, so did Wanda. All eyes on you, even if it was only two pairs, it was uncomfortable.

Well, at least knowing them you could assume they wouldn’t judge you over your ability, but they _might_ because you kept it a secret.

A deep breath, and you took off. “Ever since I was young, as long as I can remember really, I’ve been able to feel emotions and moods; and alter them, if I so choose. When I was young, I lived in Germany; as most children I was emotionally unstable, going from happy to grumpy and temper tantrums in mere seconds. But when my father passed away, it got worse. I didn’t fully understand what happened, but soon I started experiencing extreme mood swings, anxiety; just.. a lot of mixed feelings. This turned into a problem for my mother and sister”

You paused for a minute, debating if you should go through with this or just jump up and leave and never come back. Run again. But you couldn’t; who’s gonna be able to run from the Avengers, anyway? But then, you needed them to understand that the consequences of having you around when your mind would turn dark could be dire.

You looked up to Wanda and then to Bruce, who still were hanging on your every word.Levelling your own mood before you continued, you used those few seconds to gather up the courage to continue.

“When my mood got the better of me; when the feelings became too overwhelming, I sucked everything and everyone down into a deep dark hole with me. Spreading depression, anxiety and god knows what else like a highly contagious disease. So we moved, and moved, until my family couldn’t take it anymore. They left me at an orphanage, and disappeared”

Bruce and Wanda looked at you, mouths hung open, expressions varying from anger to utter disbelief. Still not saying a word. You couldn’t help but wonder what they were angry about, but you were to busy levelling your own emotions to try and find out.

With a small sigh you continued again, “that’s where I met Joss. He was older than me, I was only nine at the time, he was twelve. He somehow knew what I was, what I could do, and he taught me how to level my own emotions, not affecting anyone else. That brought to the surface that I could affect people’s emotions however I pleased. Sadly, Joss wasn’t who I thought him to be. He kept quiet about his own.. _abilities_ ”

You paused again, zoning out a bit during the trip down memory lane, to Bruce and Wanda’s displeasure.

“Go on! What happened?” Wanda suddenly called out, startling you.

“Oh right. Sorry..” you cleared your throat.

“Joss’s ability enabled him to take over another persons body and mind. When he finally revealed this to me, it was too late and he’d taken me over. Along with my ability..” You pinched the bridge of your nose, having some trouble with keeping yourself calm. You noticed Bruce and Wanda shift uncomfortably, which made you take a deep breath to calm yourself.

‘I’m sorry’ you whispered.

“So.. That’s what you did to me, the first time I walked into the store” Bruce said now showing you a small smile.

“Sort of” you said now also smiling. “I noticed you were on edge, so I just calmed myself to a level you could pick up on. A touch is enough to open up the other to me and I can level with them. Utterly useless I’m afraid in any sort of battlefield” you added when you saw Wanda bouncing up and down with excitement.

“Not necessarily” Steve made his presence known as he pushed himself off the door frame he’d been leaning on.

“Hey Steve” you smiled and he immediately smiled back at you.

“We could maybe use your help with something- or rather said, some one” he continued as he sat himself down on the armrest close to you. You felt his demeanour change as he calmed in your presence. He’d obviously been stressed about something before he walked in.

“Some one?”

“Yes!” Bruce and Wanda both said with a mix of surprise and excitement written all over their faces.

You had no idea what was going on in their heads, but you could clearly feel a great deal of hope between all three of them; and it made you uncomfortable, _expectations_.

“A friend..” Steve started, you felt how his heart sank at that word, “has been having some trouble” he continued. “I think your ability could help him”

The heartbreak you felt radiating off of Steve was overwhelming as you felt tears form behind your eyes. It had been a long time since some ones feelings affected you so greatly.

“You love this friend a lot, don’t you Steve?” You asked hoarsely, fighting back your -actually his- tears.

“Yeah. He’s about all I have left of.. my former life” he confessed.

You nodded in understanding. “I can try” you said gently as you laid your hand on his arm to open up the ‘channel’ to his emotions. As soon as your skin came into contact with his, he smiled, lifting his spirit.

“Do you have time right now?” He asked shyly.

“Oh-.. um, o-of course” you stammered. You didn’t expect to be thrown in right away, but stood up and followed Steve out of the room.

Wanda and Bruce left behind in the common room, immediately missing your presence.

Steve took you through a few long halls you’d never been before, down a few floors in the elevator, until you noticed you were at a basement level of the facility.

Your stomach turned slightly when Steve stopped in front of two doors.

“Listen Y/N” Steve started, he hesitated for a moment. “You said that this Joss guy took you over..”

You nodded.

“What happened with that?”

“I.. He..” You took another deep breath. “He made me take people. Touch them and bring them down with me, follow me -well, him- down a path of destruction”

“When do others emotions affect you?” His voice was stern, no reaction to your confession to a huge number of crimes you unwillingly committed.

“Well.. I can feel them. And usually I immediately counter them if they’re overly strong, so they don’t affect me too much. That hasn’t failed me yet” you smiled at him giving him a confident look.

“Okay” he sighed. “Lets try this”

Steve pushed the doors open and walked in front of you, into a large crisp white room, slower than he had done before. You could still feel his hesitation. But you also felt something else, something that wasn’t coming from Steve. A wave of despair, anger, grief; utter _hurt_. So much at the same time. It hit you like a freight train, made you nauseous and your knees weak. Some kind of foreign confusion built up inside you as you followed Steve to a table where a man was seated. His dark hair reached his shoulders, his left arm shining with metal. His forearms laid on the table, his fists clenched, as if he was in physical pain. The left fist hummed silently with the clenching movement. His head bent forward, staring at the tabletop.

“Bucky?” Steve asked carefully, so not to startle the man.

“Go away” the man growled.

_Grief_.

“Please, Buck.. I have some one with me who might be able to help you”

_Insecurity, fear._

“I said, go away” he growled again, but less sure of himself now. His demeanour was already affected by your presence.

Steve moved to speak again, but you laid your hand on his shoulder and shook your head. Stepping forward, you noticed the man -Bucky- trying to fight you. With every step towards him, you felt as if your feet got heavier. Feeling a heavy sting shoot through your temples, your step wavered, but you ignored it as best you could and kept going.

“Bucky” you spoke gently, “my name is Y/N. I’d like to talk to you, if that’s okay”

Bucky’s head finally rose towards you, his deep bright blue eyes almost forcing themselves through yours.

Wow.

His expression softened at the sight of your careful smile.

You slowly felt his fear simmer out first. As you got closer and reached the table, his anger was next to go. But the walls around him were still to high to even sneak a peek over.

All you could feel from him now was despair and grief, but also, something new: curiosity.

“Do you mind if I sit?” You asked softly, pointing to the chair next to him.

Bucky shook his head.

Steve stood a few feet away from you, watching in awe of what you were achieving.

“Thank you” you said, keeping your voice levelled as well as your own nerves.

Bucky looked up at you. The moment your eyes locked again, he felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. You felt the heaviness pour out of him. His shameless stare didn’t phase you as you smiled at him, which caused him to give a small smile back. The movement hurt his cheeks, the muscles completely foreign to this motion.

“I like the name Bucky” you said, striking random conversation.

His eyes still glued to yours, you saw his cheeks redden under his scruff.

_Intrigue_.

His hands now lay flat on the table, showing you he was more relaxed.

You couldn’t repress a smile at that, and you felt his mood make a one eighty, as another emotion came into play: _attraction_.

Your looks didn’t go unnoticed to Bucky, evidently. Your long hair swaying with every move you made, your bright eyes still locked with his.

_Trust_.

“Rogers!” A loud voice suddenly came from the entrance of the room, startling all of you.

_Anticipation, aggression._

Bucky shot up from his chair, making the furniture fly backwards in one fell swoop, and he stood directly in front of you, ready to take out anything or anyone coming your way.

You looked up at his back, he was tall - _so tall_ -, his broad figure strained, muscles -huge muscles- coiled. A protective, caring sense came over you, coming from three different people.

“What the hell, Stark!” Steve hissed as he held his hands up towards Bucky.

“I could ask you the same thing! What the hell is she doing with him?” Tony kept talking with a raised voice.

You felt Bucky’s emotions scramble at the sight of the billionaire, shifting from anger to guilt to just general hurt. It was a mess in there.

“Tony” you stood up behind Bucky. “It’s ok, we’re fine” you paused to focus more on Bucky.

“We’re fine right, Bucky?” You asked as you carefully put your hand on his right shoulder; avoiding his metal arm for his sake.

Even though your touch was gentle and careful, it startled him. His head snapped back at you; wide blue eyes stared into yours, but you didn’t remove your hand, instead you looked back at him, not moving an inch. His muscles still clenched underneath your hand, but the whirlpool of emotions came to a slow halt.

You could feel Tony and Steve fearing for you, but you focused solely on Bucky.

His expression softened as he turned to you, the channel to his emotional state now opened.

Looking away from your eyes he averted his gaze to your hand. A puzzled look on his face as to what to do now.

_Confusion_.

His metal arm slowly moved up towards your hand.

_Admiration_.

His metal hand lowered on yours. The metal felt cool against your skin, but soft, with a gentle touch. With extreme caution he lifted your hand, and took it in his. He seemed fascinated with your fingers for a moment as he intertwined them with his metal ones.

You smiled at him, and levelled your mood with his. Looking up from your intertwined hands he stared at you again but now with a small smile on his face.

“How do you do that?” He asked hoarsely.

“It’s a gift of sorts” you answered as you lightly pulled his arm to get him to sit at the table again. He followed hesitantly, not taking his eyes off yours. As you lowered yourself back on your chair, Bucky looked at your intertwined fingers and to the chair that had flown back a few feet when he stood up; as if he contemplated about letting go of your hand, and getting the chair, or just stand there, keeping your hand in his.

“I’ll be here, Bucky” you said reassuring him as you slowly opened your fingers.

With some hesitation he let go, and got the chair back to the table.

Steve and Tony just stood there, gaping at you.

“She _touched_ him” Tony whispered not realising he said it out loud.

“She did..” Steve whispered as well.

Bucky glared over to them as he put the chair back at the table, not trusting them being there.

_Suspicion_.

You watched as Bucky moved slow, and felt the hesitation coming from his every pore. He turned back to you and looked at your hands folded on the table. Then he looked at his own; first the flesh one, then the metal one.

_Shame_.

“I’m-.. sorry” he whispered.

You turned both your hands over and moved them towards him slightly.

“Can I?” He whispered, and looked at you through the dark locks of hair hanging loose around his face.

“Of course” you answered lightly, not making a big deal out of it.

His right hand took yours first. Now you were the one to be surprised. A spark, like electric current, shot through your arm when he touched you, making the tiny hairs on your arm stand on end and your skin was set ablaze. He looked at your reaction, and felt a strong need to pull back. But you wouldn’t let him. You closed your fingers around his hand, and saw the same thing happen to him as you did. His eyes shot up towards yours as the hairs on his arm stood up.

_Affection_.

His heart beating a million miles an hour, as he took your other hand with his metal one, feeling your fingers wrap around him again. His chest heaved with the heavy breaths he was taking.

_Fear_.

You understood why he was afraid. Why he was so reluctant to any human contact. His fear of hurting anyone always got the better of him, it kicked in _just_ as anyone tried to get close.

You let him have a small moment to realise his fears, when he wanted to pull away, the fear overtaking him, you levelled with him again. Giving him relaxation.

His fear slowly subsided, the look on his face changed from painful distortion to a confused frown.

“What’s happening?” He breathed, nervous and still hesitant.

“Do you like what’s happening?” Your eyes searching his, and catching them, challenging.

He nodded, his voice seemed to have abandoned him.

“Then just focus on me” you said with a gentle smile. “And let it happen”

His hands gripped yours tighter and you felt a warmth wash over you.

_Trust_.

You spent hours there with Bucky. Talking to him, feeling him, taking away his fears and tension. Steve and Tony had been there the whole time. But Bucky forgot all about them when he looked into your eyes. If you had to be honest with yourself, which you usually never were, you forgot about them too. His mind was fascinating; the small moments he opened up to you, made your heart leap.

Around midnight you were exhausted by using your ability all night and its effects were beginning to fade. Bucky felt his fears creep back up on him, while he still held your hands. By now knew about you, and what you could do and how, so your fatigue didn’t go unnoticed to him.

Regardless of his demons returning to him, he squeezed your hands softly, and whispered that you should get some sleep. But he didn’t let you leave before he made you promise you would come back to see him tomorrow.

Steve and Tony wouldn’t let you drive when they saw how exhausted you were. Generous as they were they put you in the guest wing. Yes. Guest wing. Not room; _wing_.

Thanking the heavens that tomorrow was Sunday, meaning that the lunchroom was closed, you laid in a huge bed, staring at the ceiling. As exhausted as you were, you couldn’t catch your sleep right away. It felt like Bucky’s piercing blue eyes were still on you. His hands still wrapped around yours.

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and let the serene feeling of sleep take you over slowly.

* * *

The next morning you were pulled out of your sleep when the door to the bedroom flew open.

“Holy shit!” You yelled as you jerked up. “What the hell!” you added in a breath when a flash of black and red passed you.

Wanda jumped on your bed and closed her arms around your neck.

“I heard Tony made you stay!” She yelped. “You want some breakfast?” She mumbled into your neck.

“Ugh, no thanks sweetheart. I am not a breakfast kinda gal” you grumbled sleepily, as you laid your arms around your friend.

“How did things go with Bucky?” She whispered as if sharing a secret.

“Um, pretty good” you said with a high pitched tone. “He’s nice”

Wanda jolted upwards. “He’s nice?”

“Yeah. He’s troubled. But.. nice” you sighed.

“Why are you blushing?” Wanda narrowed her eyes at you.

“I’m not blushing. It’s just hot in here” you lied.

“m’Okay” she said with a suspicious look on her face. “Either way, come out of bed! It’s two in the afternoon!”

“What?” You hadn’t realised it being so late. “Wow. Guess I needed rest”

“Yes, but now you’re awake, so lets go!” Wanda got off the bed by climbing over you.

“Alright, fine just let me get dressed at least” you laughed, making Wanda grin widely.

As you got dressed, Wanda sat back down on the bed. “Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?“

“I’m really glad I know you” she said quietly. “I’m always happier when you’re here”

You chuckled. “You know why that is now, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know. But I still love you for it” she quipped with a smile that could make men melt into puddles.

You turned to her a bit surprised, a knot was forming in your stomach. “I.. Thank you Wanda, that- that means the world to me. I love you too” you stammered, feeling light and tingly with the affection radiating off of her.

“Now come!” Wanda perked up from the bed. “Lets get downstairs. I think the rest of the team wants to see you before you go back to Bucky”

“Okay, lets go”

You and Wanda walked into the kitchen laughing about one of Tony’s many shenanigans on a mission. Everyone was standing around talking amongst themselves, but stopped as you entered. All smiles were sent your way.

“If it isn’t the soldier-whisperer!” Clint called out as he walked over and hugged you.

“The what?” You snorted.

“He’s right you know” Natasha said. “He’s let no one even come near him in the past couple of weeks he’s been here. But as I understand it, you talked to him for hours”

“Well.. I..” You sighed, blushing. “I don’t know what to say”

“I do” Steve said as he walked up to you, “thank you” His ever so charming smile right in front of you before he pulled you into a big bear hug.

“If it’s ok with everyone, I’d like to go back and see him” your voice sounded muffled against Steve’s chest.

He let go of you, “don’t you want to eat something first?”

“My dear Captain, I am not a morning, nor breakfast person”

“It’s two in the afternoon” Bruce chuckled.

“It’s still morning to me, I just woke up” you sassed, making Bruce snort at your mock-arrogant body language.

Steve chuckled, “she has a point there. Come on, I’ll take you to him”

You nodded and said your goodbyes.

Bucky heard the doors to his ‘quarters’ open and shot a hopeful gaze towards the entrance. He’d been doing this all morning, every time it wasn’t you, he feared you wouldn’t come back. That he’d scared you away.

But this time he smiled as bright as the sun when he saw you walk through the door.

“It’s ok Steve, I think it’s better if I talk with him alone for now” you said trying to make this easier for him by levelling your calmness to him. You understood very well that Bucky talking to _you_ but not him was extremely difficult for Steve. No matter how grateful he was.

“Okay, fine” he sighed. “But there are camera’s in here. I’ll be watching over you, Y/N” he said while he touched your upper arm.

Bucky watched you talking, as he saw Steve touch your arm an involuntary growl arose from him.

_Jealousy, possessive._

You felt it from across the room.

Steve left and Bucky watched you as you walked over to him, a smile permanently etched on your face.

“Hi Bucky” you sat down at the table with him.

“Hi” his voice sounded lighter today. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come back” he confessed sheepishly.

“I promised I would, didn’t I?” You chuckled.

“You did” he said lowering his gaze towards his hands.

His feelings were hard to read. You felt a hint of embarrassment when he looked down.

“Bucky"

He looked up at you.

_Shyness_.

A soft smile played on your lips as you reached out for his hands. He suppressed a sigh of relief as he reached out and took them.

“So.. What am I feeling?” He smirked a cheeky smile.

“Was that.. a _joke_ , Bucky?” You asked, returning his smirk.

He chuckled but didn’t say anything. He squeezed your hands gently, a warm wave came over you, reaching up to your cheeks.

“Well.. You’re feeling scared; still” you whispered. “You’re afraid you’ll hurt some one”

“But you wont” you added, reading his feelings as you spoke.

“You feel lighter. You’re hopeful” leaving out the affection and shyness you detected. Not to mention the wave of jealousy you felt just before Steve left.

He glanced down at your hands on the table. Redness flushing his cheeks.

“What are you hopeful for, Bucky? I’d like to know..” you asked smiling.

He dared to look up at you with his gorgeous blue eyes. His gaze now fuller than yesterday.

“I’m hopeful for you” Bucky whispered, his expression fell. He was clearly surprised at that ‘outburst’ of naked honesty.

He wasn’t the only one shocked. You had a little trouble levelling with him now, needing to get your own feelings in check first.

“What’s happening, Y/N?” Bucky asked, trying to get a read on you as you were on him.

_Worry_.

“Nothing.. it’s okay” you said taking a deep breath, calming yourself. You levelled again, and so did he.

“I’m hopeful for you too, Bucky” you whispered. “I know you’re a good man. And you didn’t deserve what they did to you”

“I..” he stopped and his breathing became heavier. “I want to talk to Steve, I think..” he finally choked out.

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You didn’t expect him to ask for Steve so quickly. But you felt his desire to see his old friend.

“Okay, I’ll go get him” as you opened your hands to let go of his, Bucky grabbed yours back.

“You have to stay” he mumbled hastily. “I can’t-.. do this without you”

_Fear, apprehension._

“I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere” you rubbed his thumb with yours, feeling him calm down. “I just have to call for him at the door, okay?”

Bucky nodded. His eyes still glued to yours. He almost looked like a lost puppy, looking up at you to save him and take him home; if it wasn’t for the metal arm and his incredibly broad build, that is.

The pain in his eyes became clearer as you slowly let go of his hands.

Quickly getting Steve to come down to you _asap_ , you took your seat at the table, carefully slipping your hands back in to Bucky’s. Now it was him gently stroking your palm, with a grateful look on his face.

_Affection_.

The door behind you opened, signalling Steve’s arrival. You turned to face him, and smiled.

“Hi Steve” you said as you felt how the man hesitated.

_Guilt, grief, fear._

The grim pain washing over you made you turn back to Bucky, who’s feelings got so scrambled you weren’t able to read them.

“Bucky?” Your voice gentle in your approach.

No reaction.

As Bucky’s fears suddenly washed over you, as if a dam just broke, Steve reached the table, not saying a word.

“O-oh god” you whimpered, slumping in your seat as you tried your hardest to take back control.

Bucky snapped his attention to you, and realised what he was doing. He’d pent up his emotions in anticipation, but now that his oldest friend stood right before him, he couldn’t mask them any longer.

“Y/N? I don’t know what to do” he said, panic trembling through his words. Not for his own fears though, he was panicking because he saw your reaction. He tried to let go of your hands, but you refused to let him go. This was a weakness you could overcome. The hell if you would let this get to you.

“It’s fine, Bucky. Just- hold on a minute” you breathed, still trying to even out the emotional mess. A sharp pain shot through your temples. “J-just give me a minute”

A few deep breaths, some calming thoughts and a good look into Bucky’s pale blue eyes brought you back. Still panting a little, you let out a chuckle.

“Sorry about that” you sighed.

Bucky’s whirlpool of emotions felt calm, as you gestured Steve to sit on your other side.

“So, now what?” He asked carefully.

“Talk” you shrugged.

Bucky let out a chuckle at your answer.

Steve didn’t even try to suppress his surprise after hearing his.

“How’re you feeling, Buck?” Steve asked looking at him and then at you.

“Fine.. Thanks to her” Bucky nodded your way. “Where’d you find her?” He smirked.

Steve laughed as he was thrown back into a memory of a double date he was set up with by Bucky, _way_ back in the day. Bucky’s girl was nice enough, but Steve’s date was a living nightmare. Complaining about everything, extremely self centred and so, _so_ dumb. As Steve and Bucky left their dates alone for a minute to get some drinks, Steve turned to Bucky, and asked with a horrified look in his eyes: “where’d you find her?!”

_Happiness, nostalgia, surprise._

You smiled along with Bucky, receiving the happiness coming from him gladly.

“I’m assuming you’re not laughing at me, but about some kind of ancient inside joke?” You mumbled as you closed your eyes to get a better feel for Bucky.

They laughed louder and the purity of joy washing over you was intense, in a such a good way.

Wow. If this is what he could do with simple joy; what could he do with the stronger emotions, like love or attraction, or lust? Your mind raced as fast as it could during the blissfulness of Bucky’s happy moment.

“I can’t believe you remember that, Buck..” Steve smiled, looking utterly delighted.

You completely missed the next part of the conversation as you sat there with your eyes closed, probably looking like a fool.

At that thought you put your mind towards the conversation again, while mixing yourself into the emotions coming from both of them. There was still a lot of reluctance on both ends, but happiness was flowing around exponentially. The energy you received from the whole thing was almost intoxicating, you felt comfortably warm and fuzzy inside, and butterflies seemed to fly violently in your belly.

Steve’s phone buzzed after about thirty minutes, a text telling him he was needed in the training room.

_Apprehension_.

“Steve, it’s okay. If you need to go, you need to go” Bucky said, reading the look on his face just as well as you read the captain’s feelings.

Steve nodded and stood up. “Thanks for talking to me, Buck.. I’ve missed you”

Bucky swallowed thickly, “I’ve wanted to talk to you, Steve. I just.. couldn’t; but with Y/N here I can” he smiled at you, which made your stomach turn and you almost lost your cool again.

You gathered yourself as much as possible as you watched Steve leave the room.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky pulled you out of your reverie, his eyes questioning, the grip he had on your hands tightening.

You breathed a chuckle, feeling yourself become flustered. “I.. I’m not sure” you mumbled, hardly daring to look up at those pale blue eyes. Feeling him shift his position, your attention was automatically brought to his face. He was suddenly closer than he was before; closer than he’d ever been, actually.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to think so clearly” Bucky spoke softly, with a charming ring to his voice. “You make me remember.. you’ve made me remember so much already, in the few hours you’ve been around me. I’ve missed these memories”

His smile was unforgiving, such a beautiful thing. Feeling grateful you were sitting, because your knees would have given out on you if you weren’t, you could only stare at him. The look on his face shone through what you were already feeling from him: trust, adoration, and even a hint of lust.

“Bucky, I..” You scoffed lightly, and looked down.

“What is it?” His soft voice was like a melody in your ears.

“I’m afraid you wont like me as much if we keep on working together..” you whispered. You had to tell him this right away, so he wouldn’t be surprised later on. The blow would be softer this way.

“What are you talking about?” His tone uncertain. “I know you feel this too, Y/N” he added softly. “This thing” he motioned between you and himself, “goes both ways”

Your gaze shot up to him. “What? What do you mean?”

“I know when there’s something that’s not mine in here, doll” he chuckled pointing at his temple with a metal finger. “They scrambled me good, but because of that I’m more aware of what happens in my head”

“Which is why you couldn’t get out of your own head before” you breathed to no one in particular.

“Yeah.. I guess that makes sense” you breathed out a laugh.

“I _am_ feeling it too, Bucky” you moved closer towards him. “But don’t become too attached. You might not like me after we’re through. If you want to go on with this, that is”

_Lust_.

Bucky raised his eyebrows towards you and a sly smile played his features. “That so, doll?” the tone with which he spoke was deep, his eyes trailing over your body, lingering just a little too long on your chest before catching your eyes again.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. Clearly when you were around to level his emotions, the old Bucky Barnes surfaced. Ever the charmer, or so you heard from Steve.

“No Bucky, that’s not what I mean”

“Oh, that’s too bad” he smirked still eying your every curve.

“Bucky, please, hear me out” you pleaded, feeling your cheeks flushing at the way he looked at you.

“Right, sorry” he huffed and focused his gaze on yours.

“I mean, I can’t be with you every second of every day. You have to be able to be in control of your emotions. For that to happen, you’re gonna have to face every fear, every little bit of panic, every wave of anger that’s inside of you. You have to get to know yourself; to be able to be who you are.. without me”

_Apprehension, fear, determination._

Bucky’s eyes now just lingered on yours.

“And I’m gonna have to _make_ you feel all of them” you added, it became hard to keep a hint of sadness at bay.

“Are you gonna make me feel anything else? Or just the bad stuff?” His charming smile now in full effect.

You felt flushed as you shook your head, “No. Not just the bad stuff”

_Lust, affection._

“Okay, then. When do we start?”

* * *

_Fear_.

“Okay, Bucky. Are you ready?” you took a deep breath and watched as Bucky shifted uncomfortably but nodded in confirmation.

“Yeah. Do your worst” he smiled through his nerves. But you could still feel his apprehension, even without touching him. He’d opened up so easily, and so completely, to you now.

“Bucky.. you need to be absolutely sure. I can feel how nervous you are” you sighed and gave him a stern look. “This could go really wrong if you’re not ready”

He took a deep breath, “yeah, okay. I get it. I’m ready” he said, apparently taking comfort in looking into your eyes.

You gave him a nod and began to clear your mind as you took his hands. This was the hardest part of the work you were getting into with Bucky. For him to work through every emotion, you had to give each of them back to him in full force, so he could work through them; one by one.

You decided to work through the toughest ones first, so it’d all become easier from the start.

The trick of it was, the feelings were there, still laying dormant inside of him. It was your presence suppressing them that made him feel as if he was doing better. Well, he was doing better, a little. With you around, he had something to look forward to; maybe even a little hope that things would get better. You could feel him holding on to that, and to the growing affection he felt for you, as you cleared your head and began to take every other emotion from him, except his fears.

Bucky grunted, looked away from you and tried to regain his composure. A good start, you’d say. But it didn’t last long. His breathing got heavier, the longer you pushed his fears back on to him. You briefly wondered if he knew you felt them nearly as strong as he did; but then, you could hold on to the fact that these weren’t _your_ fears. These weren’t things you were afraid of necessarily; hurting some one while it’s out of your control, being out of control in general, having some one take your mind and bend it to their will..

These were your fears. This was exactly how you felt all those years ago in Germany, under Joss’ control. Dragging people down into deep depression and anger, making them follow you (Joss) making them do things they didn’t want to do, while Joss did that exact same thing to you.

For a moment, you began to lose control. The realisation of your own worst fears torturing you sunk in when Bucky began to squeeze your hands.

Oh no, no, no.. You’re supposed to be here for Bucky, not lose yourself in his -and evidently your- fears.

“Y/N..” Bucky grunted, still panting heavily. “Y/N, doll. Are you okay? What’s going on?”

The sound of his voice, the concern laced through, brought you back up. You opened your eyes immediately, catching his blue ones and seeing nothing but affection and worry. For you, not for himself or how scared he was right now, but for you.

It took you a while to gather your bearings and find the words to even answer him.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, levelling out your own emotions and his as well. You could feel he’d already worked through it, faster than you’d expected.

At least, that’s what you thought, until you looked at the clock on the far end of the room.

You’d been at it for nearly half an hour.

“Doll..” Bucky scooted closer to you, moving his hand from yours up to your wrists, looking worried. “What happened? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, you did great, Bucky” you assured him hastily. The last thing you wanted was for him to feel that this was somehow his fault.

“Then..” he seemed hesitant, nervous. “What happened?”

You took a deep breath and for a moment let yourself be comforted by the way Bucky was rubbing circles on your wrists.

“I-.. I feel the things you feel when we do this” you started and noticed how Bucky’s expression fell. “No, it’s fine. My choice” you prompted quickly before he could say anything. “But I-.. I recognised the fear you’re feeling. It was harder than I thought it would be. I’m sorry”

Bucky furrowed his brow, “You recognised it?”

Oh, right. You should’ve known he’d want to ask about that.

You sighed and shook your head, suddenly feeling very tired. “I’m not sure if this is the right time for stories like that, Bucky”

“Hey” Bucky reached up, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. “Talk to me.. Please?”

Well.. it’s only fair. You knew everything about him, what happened, what he felt, but he didn’t know about you.

“When I was young..” you started, but had to take a moment before you could continue. The soothing movements of Bucky’s thumbs on your forearms grounded you and made a small smile tug on the corners of your mouth. “Back in Germany, I grew up in an orphanage from when I was about nine. I met a boy there, Joss. He was older than me and seemed to know what I could do right off the bat. He helped me at first, he helped me control everything and showed me how I could help other people with my ability”

You could sense the anticipation in Bucky, he knew damn well this story was going to take a turn.

“But he neglected to tell me that he had abilities too. His ability enabled him to take over another persons body and mind. And he..” you took a deep breath. “He took me over and things took a turn for the worse”

Bucky was stoic. His expression cold and calculated. “Is this _Joss_ still alive?”

You furrowed your brow, confused. “What? I-.. don’t know. As far as I know, yes?”

“d’You know where he is?” Bucky was still stoic, you couldn’t get a read on him, what so ever. Not even with your ability still in full effect.

“No, I don’t. Still in Germany, I guess?”

It dawned on you why he was asking these questions. You’d been a bit naive on this one.

“Bucky, it’s over. I got away, and I haven’t seen him since. It’s been.. ten years or something” you tried to catch his gaze, but he kept staring at your hands. The soothing movements on your wrists had stopped some time ago.

“He’s a dead man” he growled.

“Bucky, stop it” you barked at him, you noticed, but this was a funk you had to break. This felt a lot like the demeanour Steve told you to watch out for, the Winter Soldier was finally showing his colours.

Your stern tone had some effect, something flashed in his eyes before he blinked rapidly and shook his head.

“m’Sorry” he mumbled, slipping his hands back into yours.

You smiled, “It’s okay. _I’m_ okay. It’s fine, I promise”  

“Still gonna fuckin’ murder the guy if I ever meet ‘em” Bucky muttered under his breath. You weren’t sure if he meant for you to hear it, but you did; and you couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“You did good, Bucky” you smiled after taking a breath, changing the subject. “I’m sorry I zoned out. I-.. probably let you feel that longer than it was necessary. I’m really sorry”

Bucky smiled back, beamed, actually. “Thank you, Y/N. That means a lot.. And, I understand. I do. But, um.. does that mean we’re done with.. fear?”

You chuckled and gave him a nod. “For now, at least. We’re done with fear”

_Anger_.

A few days ago, Bucky worked through his fear. Afterwards, you stayed with him for a few more hours, just chatting and getting to know him better. He seemed so much brighter without that constant dark cloud hanging over him, he was still troubled, of course. That wouldn’t just go away overnight; but his smile seemed easier and when Steve came by to see how he was doing, they ended up reminiscing for two hours before the Captain was called away again.

Bucky made you promise, as he always did, to come back; but not the next day. You needed a little time to recuperate and recharge for the next session, in which you would help him work through his anger.

Even though you needed your rest, you missed working at the lunchroom. The job was much simpler than your work with Bucky, and even though you loved working with him and you were really helping him; working at the lunchroom was just what you needed to clear your head. Evidently with a clear mind, you could focus more on your next session with Bucky, so: win-win.

It was good to take a break from the craziness that involved the Avengers, even though you loved them all and they turned out to be the best friends some one could ever wish for, all the things they considered normal, could be a lot to take in for actual normal people.

Given, you weren’t normal; but you’d had a pretty normal life and a normal routine. So daily training session in which Wanda would try to improve using her magic, Steve would sometimes break more punching bags than they could replace, and Sam.. well Sam would be considered the most normal member of the team. He usually helped you comprehend everything happening around you, joking around and making fun of Steve and Tony when they wouldn’t stop bickering.

Then again, the concept of ‘normal’ was something you usually tried to avoid. Normal was the one thing that divided people, it made people think that they had a right to judge anything or anyone that didn’t walk the same line as they did.

You got so lost in your thoughts as you were cleaning the coffee machine (which was as much rocket science as it looked like it was) that you didn’t notice Steve, Bruce and Tony walking in. They’d been standing there, amused and just idly watching you work, for a few minutes, until Tony cleared his throat, startling you and nearly making you drop a few cups you were just moving out of the way.

“Jesus!” you breathed as you turned to the three men. “Don’t sneak up on a girl like that. Almost gave me a heart attack”

Tony snickered and Steve and Bruce had to straighten their posture to keep from laughing.

“Oh, you’re so funny” you mumbled, picking up a small pack of sugar and throwing it at them. You weren’t surprised when Steve caught it mid air and tossed it on the bar.

“We just wanted to come and see how you are” he quipped as he leaned forward.

“And we want food!” Tony called out as he jumped up on one of the barstools. “Give me my sandwich, woman!”

You raised your eyebrows and gave him a warning look.

“Please?” he added as he batted his eyelashes and gave you a very convincing puppy-dog look.

“Fine. That look on you should be illegal, Tony. It doesn’t suit you” you grumbled with a smirk and he just shrugged.

When they were all set up with sandwiches and coffee -tea for Bruce, it helped with nerves as he explained- you joined them at one of the few tables. It was a quiet day, even more so than usual, so you weren’t interrupted.

After some meaningless conversation, Steve gave you an odd look.

“Are you doing okay, Y/N?” he asked, as if it was supposed to mean something.

“Um.. yes?” you cocked an eyebrow as you took a sip of your coffee. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well..” Steve’s voice trailed off, and Tony decided to cut in.

“Your work with Barnes. It takes it out of you, we notice” he deadpanned around a bite of his sandwich.

You looked from Tony to Bruce, who shrugged as if he was trying to say: ‘he’s right. We’ve noticed’.

“I-.. yeah, I guess it’s more straining than working here.. but I want to do it. I mean, he’s-.. it’s worth it” you wondered if they could tell that your feelings for Bucky went a little -a lot- deeper than just helping him out.

“I can’t thank you enough, Y/N” Steve smiled. “He’s doing so much better. But I want you to watch yourself. I don’t know exactly how it affects you, but.. it does in some way. So just, take it easy, okay?”

You couldn’t help but smile at that, Tony and Bruce nodded along with Steve’s statement and both gave you stern looks to empower it.

“I will. Thanks guys” you said as the bell rang, indicating another guest’d just come in.

It was a family that seemed like they were on vacation, judging by the mini-van outside, packed with suitcases and something that looked like a tent.

Before you knew it, the two kids they had with them were gasping ‘Whoa! It’s Captain America!’ and they rushed over to the table and began gushing even more when they noticed Tony at the table as well.

“Oh, God, no! Davy, Jamie, leave them alone!” the woman got a face as red as a tomato and scurried after her sons. “I’m so sorry, gentlemen, they get excited..”

Steve laughed, “Don’t worry about it, ma’am” and began a seemingly serious conversation with Davy, who seemed very proud to tell him about how old he was and that he wanted to be just like Captain America when he was all grown up.

It was heartwarming, really. Tony was joking around with the little boy called Jamie, who was unnervingly similar to the billionaire. A bit of a smart-ass, especially for his age, and did everything he could to -playfully- tease his little brother.

The family ended up having lunch with the three men, Steve still animatedly talking to Davy and Tony just as well with Jamie. Bruce seemed to have a serious conversation with their dad, something scientific you couldn’t even begin to understand.

“I’m sorry we interrupted, miss” the kids mom came up to you to pay the bill. She had a guilty smile on her face and gave you an over-the-top tip.

“Oh, no. It’s fine. It comes with their territory. I just work here” you joked, making the woman laugh as she thanked you again for the food.

The three men said their goodbyes after promising to keep up the good work to the little boys and their mom and dad.

“We’re gonna head out, Y/N” Steve came up to you and surprised you with a hug that nearly made you drown in his muscles.

“Okay, guys. Thanks for coming by” you giggled as you wriggled yourself loose from Steve. “I’ll see you at the compound tomorrow”

“Only if you’re up to it” Steve whispered. “Buck will understand”

“I know he will” you smiled. “but I’m up to it, promise”

As always, Bucky’s expression lit up like the sun when you walked through the doors. You were surprised to see him sitting on a couch instead of the usual table he was at. A coffee table’d come with it, holding a small pile of books. At least he’d have some entertainment.

“Hey, Bucky” you said as you were about to sit down next to him, when he stood up and wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. “Oh. Hi..” you giggled and automatically rested your head against his chest.

“Hi” he murmured, gently rubbing your back with his flesh-and-blood hand.

He kept you close a bit longer than just a good friend would do. You didn’t mind.

“I see you’ve redecorated” you said as he let you go and motioned for you to sit down.

“Oh, yeah.. I um-..” he blushed. “I wanted you to be more comfortable during our sessions”

“Bucky.. you didn’t have to do that” you smiled and blushed when you noticed he scooted closer to you and put his hand on yours.

“I wanted to. You do so much for me; and.. I know it’s not easy”

You were quiet for a while and just enjoyed the way Bucky’s hand was wrapped around yours.

“You okay, doll?”

That snapped you out of your daze, he was a lot closer than you expected him to be.

“Yeah. I’m fine” you smiled and looked up at him. He gave you a scrutinising look. You scoffed, “I _am_. Bucky. I’m good. Have you been talking to Steve?”

Bucky cocked an eyebrow and smirked guiltily. “Yes. I have. I just don’t want you to exhaust yourself too much helping me”

“I’m not” you sighed. “and you’re worth it Bucky. You’re a good man, I’ve told you. You deserve to put it all behind you”

Bucky seemed at a loss for words for a moment. The red on his cheeks grew darker and he wore the biggest smile you’d ever seen on him.

“Thank you” he whispered.

The moment drew out, and for a second there you thought he was going to lean in and kiss you. But Tony thought it was a good idea to barge in right that moment.

“Hey guys! I hope you haven’t started yet, I just need to do a few final checks on everybody’s favourite assassin, if you don’t mind”

“Um. What?” you drew up an eyebrow and looked from Tony to Bucky and back.

“Tony’s been repairing me” Bucky winked as he lifted up his metal arm. “It was acting up yesterday and he found some faulty wiring”

“Yeah. This guy has a whole team working on several faulty wires. If you catch my drift” Tony smirked as he rolled a chair over to Bucky’s left side.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “He’s been waiting to make that joke”

“I have no regrets”

You snorted and got up from the couch. “You want some water, Bucky? I think you might need it later”

“Oh, really?” Bucky’s tone was suggestive and the look he gave you made your knees feel weak.

Watching the exchange, Tony tinkered around after he shifted some plates on Bucky’s bicep, smirking as he went.

“Oh hush, Barnes. You wont be looking at me like that after I’m done with you” you muttered and got two bottles of water from the fridge.

“I like where this is going” Bucky chuckled, never taking his eyes off you.

“Okay, you two, stop with the verbal foreplay. You’re distracting me” Tony whined, but already closed up the arm and was shifting the plates back into place.

Tony left you alone with a suggestive gesture, which you waved off irritably, as you were already getting into work-mode. Bucky noticed and stopped snickering at Tony’s antics.

“You ready, Bucky?”

He nodded, inhaling deeply, he took your hands and closed his eyes, waiting for you to start the ‘torture’.

As you did before, you took away all emotion he had in him -he was overflowing with affection and love, which had you blushing furiously as you took it in- and replaced it all with the anger you found. Careful to net let any of your own seep through you stopped the flow when it was all given back.

Watching him carefully, you noticed the crease between his eyebrows. Like last time, his breathing picked up and you could practically hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest.

“Bucky?” you whispered softly and squeezed his flesh hand.

You got an aggressive grunt in return, his grip on you tightened, bordering on painful, but not quite painful yet.

“Bucky, it’s okay. Let it go” you whispered again, trying not to startle him.

“Fuck!” he suddenly screamed and released the grip of his metal hand on yours. Balling his fist, the plates on his entire arm shifted and whirred rapidly, seeming to make him even more agitated. “Fuck!” he yelled again and brought his fist down on the table next to the couch, shattering the glass tabletop into a million little pieces.

You inhaled sharply, but stood your ground.

“Bucky, it’s okay. You’re with friends, you’re safe” you breathed, hoping he would hear you through the anger rushing through him. As for now, it wasn’t getting any better yet.

Knowing damn well that he’d never hurt you, not willingly, you hoped Steve would give you a little more time before he’d come barging in. Bucky would be so disappointed if he couldn’t do this, and he’d never forgive himself if you got hurt. That much you knew.

“Bucky. Please, hear me” you spoke a little louder. “You’re here with me, you’re with Steve. You’re okay”

“Am I?!” he growled loudly, a lion’s roar almost. It got you to shut up. “All I fuckin’ do is sit here! Waiting for you! I can’t do anything myself! I have a chaperone when I fuckin’ shower!”

You didn’t know that. But apparently there’s a lot you weren’t aware of.

“Every day I have a goddamn psych eval, and they’re still not convinced I don’t and didn’t _want_ to hurt anyone! Every fucking day it’s the same fucking thing! The same fucking questions! And it’s driving me even _more_ insane until-..”

He stopped. An abrupt ending to his rant, his venting, and took a breath. The anger you felt pooling in him began to flow away as if he’d just pulled the plug from a bathtub.

“Until you’re here” he mumbled eventually, his eyes still closed but his features gradually relaxed as the anger was only a small puddle in the back of his head, a normal amount which every human possessed.

Slowly you let everything else flow back to him, again, careful that none of your own feelings would get caught up with his.

With everything back in place you allowed yourself to fall back against the plush couch cushions as you heaved a sigh.

“Shit..” Bucky mumbled and looked at the table before looking at you. “Doll-.. I’m sorry. I-.. _fuck_ ”

“It’s okay, Bucky. We probably should’ve moved the table; but it’s fine” you smiled, and felt it didn’t really reach its full potential. You were exhausted. A quick glance at the clock told you that an hour had passed already. It always seemed to go so fast, it felt like you’d only spent five minutes on this one, when in reality, it was sixty.

“I yelled at you..” Bucky mumbled and tried to move away. But you weren’t going to let that happen. You wouldn’t let him shut down now, not after coming this far.

“Bucky. C’mere” you squeezed his hand and tugged at his arm, at the same time you levelled his mood, gradually calming him down and coaxing him closer to you.

“You’re messing with my head again” he murmured, but didn’t shy away from you this time, instead, he gathered you up in his arms and hugged you close.

Honestly, you didn’t realise you gave him this much affection. And thinking about it, you didn’t. This was all him, except you took away most of the loathing he felt towards himself and his metal appendage.

This was unexpected. But welcome. All you could do was cuddle up to him, resting your head on his broad chest as he eased back, keeping his arms locked around your middle.

“Thank you” he murmured, and breathed in your scent.

“You’re welcome, Bucky”

You fell asleep like that for about thirty minutes, his words still echoing in your head: _“Until you’re here”_

* * *

_Insecurity_

“Hey doll” Bucky lifted himself off the couch, he’d been lounging around, relaxing. He couldn’t remember the last time he did that.

You smiled at the sight of him. Bucky’d settled on his back, legs sprawled out on the length of the couch, in between two stacks of books.

“These I’ve read” he motioned towards the larger pile, smiling bashfully.

Taking a glance towards the books, about fifteen, not counting the pile that was left unread, your eyebrows shot up. That’s.. impressive.

“How long did that take you?” you said as you sat amongst more scattered books that now grabbed your attention.

Keys of the Kingdom by AJ Cronin, The Razor’s Edg by W Somerset Maugham catch your eye and it makes your heart clench. As you zero in on the other titles you can’t help but bite your lip. Nearly all of them are from the 1940’s.

Bucky notices you noticing the titles and smiles. “They help me remember” he murmurs as he touches your hand with his metal one.

You smile, forgoing words because frankly, you don’t know what to say. What could be said in a situation like this?

“It’s okay, you know. _I’m_ okay. I feel better than I have.. in what feels like ages. I have Steve back, and I also have you-..” he cuts himself off, biting his lip as his cheeks flush a deep red and stares at the floor.

“Bucky” you took his flesh hand, not releasing his metal one, and squeezed. “You do have me”

You could feel his pulse flutter with the affection that surged from your fingertips, just the fraction you can’t hold in whenever you even thought about the metal-armed soldier.

“That felt good” Bucky breathed as he clutched your hand tighter.

“I-.. um..” you let out a breathy chuckle, “W-we should get to work”

Bucky hummed in agreement, smirking smugly as your flushed expression didn’t escape him. A gentle tickling feeling made you shudder and the hairs on your arms stood on end. You looked at his hand where it was clutched to yours, seeing his index-finger rub small circles on your palm. It was terribly distracting, and your gaze was fixed on his as you could faintly register more surges of your own affectionate feelings flow through your fingers and into Bucky. That wasn’t exactly how it worked, but it sure was what it felt like.

Bucky bit his lip and carefully wrapped the fingers of his metal hand around your wrist, gently sliding them up on your forearm.

Something more than affection was added to the fray; lust. It wasn’t just yours, you felt the exchange happen as your senses heightened.

It felt good, strange, but so good. You’d never used your powers like this, for something so.. exciting. Now here you were, wishing you had, though you were glad you could experience this for the first time with Bucky.

“You feel good” he whispered as you felt yourself gravitate closer to him as he was to you.

You wanted to tell him that he felt like something you’d never felt before, something good; something amazing. But found that your voice faltered as he was now only inches away from you.

So close, he was so close, you could feel heat radiating off his skin, his warm, minty breath fanned over your lips; he got closer, heat now taking over every inch of you, when an alarm sounded and you both startled away from each other.

“What the hell?” Bucky immediately assessed his surroundings and lurched from the couch, repeating his actions from a few weeks before as he went to stand before you, ready to shelter you from any and every possible threat.

Nothing else seemed to happen, just the alarm blearing from speakers you couldn’t pinpoint. Bucky stood tense, rigid; taking a cautious step backwards, so he was closer to you and reached for your hand with his right one. You took it without hesitation, understood from the mix of emotion coming from him that he needed the touch to ground him.

“Buck!” Steve’s voice barely reached over the sound of the alarm. “It’s okay, it’s just a malfunction!”

As if on cue, the alarm stopped. Steve let out a heavy breath.

“Buck? You okay?” he asked hesitantly, locking his gaze.

Bucky was still tense and still held your hand tightly, but nodded; once.

“You okay, doll?” he asked without glancing away from Steve.

“Yeah” you winced, hearing the squeak in your voice and tried for a reassuring smile when Bucky whipped his gaze to you.

_Worry_.

“I’m fine” you cleared your throat, “just startled”

Bucky did a once- and then a twice over, and slowly returned his gaze to Steve.

“What the fuck was that?” Bucky’s tone was sharp and it made Steve’s muscles tense as much as Bucky’s were.

“Tony was messing with the security system. He’s done now, though” Steve sighed.

Bucky nodded, once, and slowly lowered himself back on the couch.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I-..”

“s’Not your fault, Stevie” he murmured. “Were you afraid I’d slip?”

His question came as a surprise to both you and Steve, but Steve’s features softened before yours did.

“Yeah.. I- I guess I was” he scratched his neck awkwardly. “I trust you, I do. It’s just-..”

Bucky shook his head, effectively silencing him. “I understand. I was scared for a second there, too”

Steve’s gaze shot up. “What changed?”

“She’s here” Bucky jerked his chin towards you, and you just couldn’t stop the blush from creeping up your cheeks. “And so are you, and I remember things” Bucky added and Steve smiled.

For a moment the Captain just stood there, savouring the sight of his best friend, who he’d gotten back from the dead, sitting on a comfortable couch hands joined with a girl. Then he nodded with a fond smile and took his leave.

“He’s so passive sometimes” Bucky sighed dramatically, making you snort and burst into giggles. “Seriously. I just opened my heart to the man, and he just nods and leaves. Unbelievable” Bucky dragged out his joke, his smug grin returning when you kept giggling.

“Alright, okay. Enough fooling around” you sighed when you were able to catch your breath. “I think it’s time we get to work”

Bucky’s smirk turned sly, “I don’t know, doll. I think I enjoy fooling around with you”

The low rumble in his chest turned your knees to jelly, and once again, you were lucky to be seated in his presence. It didn’t save you, though. All you could utter under his intense gaze was a lame “ _Oh_ ”

“What’s wrong, doll?” his smirk only grew wider, seeing how he had you _squirming_ on the spot. “You look a little flustered”

You huffed and shook your head. “Knock it off, Barnes” you grumbled, “You’re not gonna be so smug in a few minutes”

His face turned more serious at that, “I know.. I’m nervous I guess”

You snorted. “You’re nervous? _This_ is how you get when you’re nervous?”

Bucky bit his lip and shrugged, “Maybe.. But it’s also I’m just trying to seduce you”

You groaned, throwing your head back with a dramatic sigh. “Okay. Are you ready?”

Bucky just chuckled and nodded, reaching out his metal hand, as you noticed you were still holding his right hand.

The atmosphere around you immediately changed as Bucky stopped joking around. You felt the need to reassure him some more and felt tempted to give him just a little more affection, but decided against it. Better just get this over with.

Nonetheless, it didn’t deter you from taking away his fear and anger, always laying dormant, first. He smiled and looked peaceful with his eyes closed, you felt how remaining emotions surfaced strongly with the absence of two such strong ones. Love, trust, happiness; and then the insecurity. Given, insecurity was a product of fear, so standing alone like this it wasn’t as strong. But it still had to be addressed separately; Bucky, however strong and confident he made himself out to be, had a lot of insecurities.

He was afraid of hurting people, afraid of slipping, afraid of losing everything he’d gained over the past few weeks, and, to your surprise, but not a big surprise, _losing you_.

“Doll..” his voice was wary, his grip around your hands tightening a fraction.

“I’m here” you whispered, but didn’t offer any other reassurance. It pained you, clenched your heart tightly, but he had to do this alone.

One by one, you took away the warmth of love, happiness and relief. Leaving him with nothing but the dark abyss of his insecurity.

“Fuck..” he muttered, a tear spilling over and slowly dragging its way down his cheek to his stubbled jaw. “I can’t lose him again” he breathed. The image of a small and skinny boy flashed before your eyes, catching you off-guard. Gasping you squeezed his hands and squeezed your eyes shut, afraid if you’d open them, the connection would be lost. This had never happened before. Not even with him; he was able to transfer his thoughts to you somehow. The mere idea of losing Steve again made his mind so powerful, it was overwhelming.

“Y/N..” he mumbled, he was off in his own dark thoughts now. You were suddenly overthrown by the flash of your own image in your mind; you couldn’t help but notice that your features were sharper somehow, improved. This is how Bucky saw you. You saw yourself smile, reassuring, gentle and loving; then you vanished.

“No! No, please” Bucky whined, struggling to keep his hold on your hands. He tried to curl in on himself, but you wouldn’t let him.

Even though you still couldn’t process how he was showing you these images, you kept on monitoring his progress and felt him slowly slipping. More images flashed in your mind, more recent, more painful. Then it all came to a halt with the sight of you and Steve, smiling at each other and Steve laughing about something you said, and you smiling in turn. Gradually, Bucky resurfaced, clawing his way out of the darkness that plagued his thoughts. You only noticed your own heavy breathing when his grip loosened and Bucky let out a heavy breath of his own.

“Doll? You okay?”

That made your eyes snap open, meeting his instantly, effectively punching all the air out of your lungs. Even with the worried crease between his eyebrows, his smile was sweet and gentle, his thumbs rubbing your hands carefully.

“I think that’s my line” you chuckled lamely, and felt the sudden urge to curl up in his arms.

It only took a minute to give back everything you’d taken from him, his smile grew wider as you did. A gentle tug on your arm forced your eyes to open and you felt yourself gravitate towards him again; he still wouldn’t let go of your hands, instead pulling you closer until he could wrap his arms around you, pressing you against his chest.

“I’m okay” he murmured, “and so are you” he added, warming every single fibre in your body.

There was no chance in denying it —not that you were denying it in the first place— you were falling for Bucky Barnes.

* * *

For the next three months you juggled working at the lunchroom, your sessions with Bucky and being with the others in the tower. It was starting to take its toll on you. You were completely exhausted. Especially since you’d been going through every different emotion with Bucky. This wasn’t the first time you’d done this with some one, but it was harder than any other ‘project’ you’d ever taken up. He’d been so far gone from himself, it was a miracle that Steve was able to reach him in the first place.

Against all your expectations, no matter what gruelling emotional experience you put Bucky through, he was still relentlessly flirting with you, making you flush a deep shade of pink every time he whipped out that suggestive, charming smirk of his.

When you took breaks and just talked, he’d move in a way that he’d brush against you with his fingers or shoulder, just to get a touch in since he was now in a place where you didn’t have to hold his hands anymore to keep him levelled. You still had to affect him to make him calm enough to work through everything, but it wasn’t through touch anymore. Which you had to admit was disappointing. You liked holding his hands, metal and flesh. His touch was gentle, a complete contrast to the remarks he made to you more and more frequently ever since he’d dealt with his insecurities. The flirting however, sometimes shifted into something resembling dirty talk more than anything else.

It came to a point where you had to help yourself to get a release, no matter how tired you were. You stayed over at the Avengers facility more than your own apartment, which didn’t help your fatigue. Catching a break usually wasn’t in it these days.

On a Saturday you had just come back from working a shift at the lunchroom to the facility and prepared yourself for another session with Bucky. After working through anger and fear, and now also insecurity; you decided to just do an overall check to see if there was still any negativity lingering. The better emotions; love, affection, happiness and so forth, didn’t have to be explored so meticulously. Unfortunately.

Walking into the common room, you short-stopped when you saw six pairs of eyes focused on you. The whole team seemed to be waiting for you.

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. “Um-.. Hi guys.. What’s up?” You scanned each and every one of them. You left your feelings at bay and didn’t affect any one of them. Not now.

“We need to talk to you, Y/N” Steve smiled soothingly.

“Did something happen to Bucky?” alarm bells instantly ringing in your head.

“I’m fine, doll”

You turned to him so fast, you almost lost your balance.

“Bucky? You’re up here..” Your voice trailed with disbelief. “And I can’t feel you..” You breathed, staring at him as if you’d seen a ghost.

He let out a soft chuckle and took your hand.

“Now you feel me” he whispered gently.

Your smile couldn’t be suppressed as he lead you to the couch and sat you down next to himself.

“Wh-.. How are you here right now?” You still couldn’t believe he dared to come out of his confinement. He never did before.

“Later, doll; right now we need to talk about you” his voice was stern, but he smiled soothingly. Just like Steve did.

“As I said-..” the Captain cleared his throat.

“Yes” Tony popped up, taking the lead from Steve. “You’ve been around a lot, and we all appreciate what you do. But..”

For a moment you were scared to be kicked out, that they’d had enough of you. You suppressed every need you felt to use your ability. The need for an actual conversation with these people had grown so great; you were done with always knowing what they felt. Feeling some one’s emotions had become like mind reading, always knowing what some one _really_ felt as opposed to what they would say.

“But you’re running on fumes, Y/N” Tony continued.

The smile you plastered on fell as you cocked an eyebrow.

“I’m _what_ now?”

“Yeah” Wanda chimed in, “you’ve been helping all of us so much, and you still go to work, but we all notice this is becoming too much for you”

Vision stood next to Wanda and nodded in agreement, while his artificial eyes were locked on you. “Your vitals are slowly getting weaker Miss Y/N” he almost whispered. “The frequent usage of your abilities mixed with your busy schedule are the interfering with your health” Since he was an android, you weren’t able to read him — even though he most definitely had feelings, but the look on his face was earnest. If that was even possible for an android.

You felt touched by their concern and slightly violated by the way Vision could just read your bodily functions like that, but touched nonetheless.

“We need you to take a vacation” Bruce suddenly spoke up.

“Um, a what?” You raised your eyebrows in disbelief.

“You need to take some time off, doll” Bucky’s lips were close to your ear, you could feel his warm, minty breath on your skin, causing goosebumps to form all over. You suppressed a shudder and you felt your cheeks turn red while your heart skipped a beat.

“Geez, Tin Man. You really do stir a reaction in that one” Sam suddenly walked through the door, laughing at your reaction to Bucky. Everyone raised their eyebrows at you, and smirked widely when they noticed he was right.

“Okay, okay! Enough already” You said as confidently as you could, but not nearly as confident as you wished. “So. You guys want to send me on vacation?”

Everyone nodded in unison.

“Do I get to pick where I’m going?” You said chuckling with a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

“Of course” Tony waved it off like it was nothing. “Money is not an object, Y/N. Where ever you want to go”

“Money has never been an object to you, Stark” you grumbled, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Look, guys. No one has ever been so kind and generous to me. But I can’t take the offer, it’s too much. Besides, I-.. still have a job” You sighed.

“That’s another thing we wanted to discuss” Bruce leaned forward to you. You could sense his nervousness even without using your powers.

“We wanted yo ask you to come work here. For us”

Your mouth dropped to the floor. “W-work here? Doing what?”

“What you do best. What you have been doing for months now” Steve said smiling.

Still unable to fully wrap your head around the weird turn your evening made, it started to dawn on you what they were asking.

“So, let me get this straight: you want me to be your house therapist?” you deadpanned.

“More like a friend who gets paid to live with us and hang out with us, because we can’t have friends without paying them” Tony said airily. “ _And_ maybe make us lunch” he added quickly.

You snorted, shaking your head. You then noticed Bucky squeezing your hand. You bit back another chill as you flashed your eyes over to him just for a second.

“Please say yes, doll” he whispered to you. “I need you, but I can’t stand seeing you struggle like this”

If his tone got any more endearing, you’d be in a puddle on the damn floor.

“We all need you” Wanda walked over to you and knelt next to you before you even had the chance to be surprised about the gentleness seeping from Bucky’s words. “We’re a fucked up bunch and you always manage to make us less fucked up”

Steve sighed at her use of words. “Wanda, please” he mumbled while he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Wanda smirked at you, never letting a chance to pull that reaction from the Captain go.

You snorted silently at her taunting and took a deep breath. Wanda’s pleading eyes still on you.

“I have to think about it, guys” you said eventually. “I really like my job. But I love you guys too, of course”

“Of course” Tony agreed sweetly. “but in the meantime, I’m gonna do everything in my power to get you to say yes” he walked over to you and took your free hand. He pulled you up from the couch and out of Bucky’s touch. “Let me show you all the benefits and perks you’ll be getting, my dear” Tony’s smile was mischievous but genuine. He pulled you along, dragging out of the common room.

Leaving the others behind, giggling at the uncertainty on your face as you turned to wave at them.

Bucky still sat on the couch, immediately missing your presence and touch. Even without the usage of your powers, he was intoxicated by you. The way you smiled, the way you spoke, you didn’t have a single flaw in his eyes.

“Dude.. you got it bad for her” Sam grinned while he plopped on the couch next to him.

“Can it, Birdman” Bucky growled, but his tone missed his usual edge.

“Sam, stop teasing him” Wanda said as she dropped herself on the couch between them. “I think it’s nice that he likes Y/N. It’s hard not to, anyway. She’s intoxicating sometimes” her voice trailed with a dreamy sigh.

All eyes were suddenly on her.

“What!” She yelped when she noticed. “It’s true! I’m not saying I’m in love with her, but I do love her. I just like being around her, that’s all. I hope she says yes. Stark better work his magic”

Bucky growled low in his chest at her words.

“Oh don’t worry, big guy” Natasha grinned at Bucky. “She didn’t mean it like that”

Bucky brushed his flesh hand over his face out of frustration at their taunting, as they all burst out laughing.

* * *

Tony really did go all the way with trying to get you to say yes. He showed you all the ‘perks’ as he called them, in the Avengers facility. A pool, gym, private movie theatre, indoor botanical gardens— for some reason, a huge library, and even a bar which was open 24/7.

After you thought the tour was over, Tony surprised you yet again, by showing you where you’d be living. Different from the enormous guest wing you’d always stay, he showed you an apartment with huge floor-to-ceiling windows, doors leading to a balcony, which looked more like _another_ botanical garden, marble floors, two bedrooms, a walk in closet, the bathroom alone had the size of your beloved lunchroom, and a kitchen that would make Jamie Oliver cry happy tears.

“Jesus, Stark” you breathed. “This is insane”

You noticed that a lot of the decor was already modified to your preference, orchids scattered around every room and light blue beachy colours graced the whole apartment. You turned to Tony with narrowed eyes.

“Tony, have you been in my apartment?” You cocked an eyebrow at him, trying not to smirk and keep your voice stern.

“Me? Where ever did you get that idea?” He said innocently, but the sparkle in his eyes gave him away.

You sighed. “I gotta say.. this is pretty tempting”

Tony smirked, proud of his work.

“You’ll live here, with free and unlimited use of all facilities, and all you have to do; is hang out with us. Oh and, whatever you make monthly in the lunchroom, I’ll triple it”

“Tony!” you couldn’t help the reprimanding tone in your voice. “Are you crazy?”

“Please, just say yes, sweetheart” he pleaded as he took your hands, ignoring your comment completely. Your powers kicked in and accidentally you gave Tony a jolt of appreciation.

He chuckled, “I felt that”

He let go of your hands put his left one on your shoulder, “now.. you only have to say the word”

“Yes” you said it before your mind could catch up.

“Yes!” Tony yelped in surprise and immediately pulled you into a big bear hug.

Your laugh muffled in his shoulder as you locked your arms around him gratefully.

“Come!” He took your hand once again and almost tore off your arm, dragging you out of the apartment. He took you back to the common room, where everyone was now talking in a relaxed tone.

“Guys!” Tony yelled as he almost threw you into Bucky, who expertly caught you in his arms.

“Jesus” you muttered, giggling at Tony’s excitement.

“Tony, what the hell?” Bruce stared at him in shock, “you almost gave Wanda a heart attack”

“Sorry, sorry!” He said hastily, “but she said _yes_!”

It took a few seconds before it dawned on them what he was saying.

“ _Really_?” Wanda exclaimed as she jumped up and stared at you.

You could only nod and smile, as you were still in Bucky’s arms, with his hands on your shoulder blades, pressed gently into his strong chest.

“You said yes?” He whispered down to you with a hopeful smile.

“Yeah” you croaked an d cleared your throat, “Tony made a strong case” your eyes locked with his and for a moment you both forgot that everyone was staring at you.

“Ahum” Natasha cleared her throat loudly and smirked at you as you tore away your eyes from Bucky’s pale blue ones. You felt your cheeks become warmer again as you looked away, but Bucky didn’t let you go.

“Barnes, It’s my turn!” Wanda called out jokingly as she reached for you. Unwillingly, Bucky let you go to give you to Wanda.

“I’m so happy you’re staying, Y/N” she whispered into your hair when she locked her arms around you.

“Me too, honey” you chuckled as your arms laid around her waist.

“Yes!” Bruce exclaimed as he stood up and put his arms around you and Wanda.

You laughed at the enthusiasm when Steve and Natasha over-dramatically joined in on the group hug. Sam and Clint were last to join, faking tears of joy.

“You guys are such dorks” Bucky groaned just as dramatically.

“Yeah, and I can’t breathe” you groaned but couldn’t fight the smile on your face.

“We’ll need to celebrate” Tony piped up. “Tomorrow we’ll send for your things Y/N, I have already notified your boss that you wont be coming back”

“Oh, wow, you work fast” you blinked rapidly, though you felt no hesitation towards your decision.

“You bet, dear” Tony winked. “When you’re all settled we’ll have a party celebrating our newest addition!” He exclaimed, turning on his heel and sauntering off.

“So happy to have you, girl” Sam said smiling as he kissed you on the cheek.

For a split second Bucky’s eyes turned dark. His jealousy shot through your stomach as you met his eyes. You smiled reassuringly, hoping to let him know what you weren’t interested in anyone but him. Because one thing was for sure, he was a huge part of your decision.

The message seemed to come across, because when Clint leaned in to do the same as Sam, Bucky stayed calm.

Everyone took a turn to welcome you, and with your powers now in full effect, you felt a bit tipsy on all the love you were receiving.

After they’d all left, Bucky took your hand. He snapped his gaze to you when he felt the jolt of warmth come over him.

“Oh, I’m sorry” you giggled. “There was a lot of love going around”

“I can feel that” he chuckled lowly as he pulled you towards him, until you were close to his chest again. He locked his arms around you, and smiled down at you.

Smiling back at him, all you could think about were his scruff surrounded lips on your own. And you decided to take a chance. Releasing a small portion of lust from yourself into him, you saw his eyes widening as he trapped his lip between his teeth.

You did it again, now giving him a bit more, as lust and desire built up inside of you.

A growl arose from his chest as he pulled you closer to him “Is this your way of telling me you want me?” He whispered into your hair. “Cause if it is; I’m more than willing to let you have a taste” he continued with a husky tone as his lips trailed along your jawline. “I wouldn’t mind having a taste of you either, doll”

Your knees almost gave out on you, but Bucky wouldn’t let you fall; his strong arms wrapped around you tighter, which didn’t help your state. The sound you produced couldn’t be stopped, a soft whimper crossed your lips, and Bucky took that opportunity to crash his lips into yours.

Your mouths moulded, as you immediately fell in line with his kiss, your lips dancing to a sweet unheard melody. His tongue gently ran over your lower lip, and you gave him permission to explore your mouth further when you opened the kiss.

A deep and heavy moan entered your mouth from his as he pulled you closer in a desperate attempt to complete the contact between you.

His lips only left yours for a short moment to let you catch your breath.

“Bucky..” You breathed, noticing your every sense heightened and your body extremely high strung. With your busy schedule lately, you hadn’t really had time to find any release for the sexual tension between you and Bucky. You wanted him, and you wanted him bad.

“Yeah, doll?” His voice still husky and his breath staggering.

“I want you” your words pathetically desperate.

“don’t have to tell me twice” he growled as he picked you up with ease and darted out of the common room. In no-time at all you reached a door that he would’ve kicked down when entering if it’d been locked, without letting you go. He put you down on your feet as he kicked the door shut, and immediately took your lips with a searing hot kiss.

You both struggled to get closer to one another, hands pulling at hips and arms and shoulders and hair, breathing heavily.

Bucky left your lips to nip at your neck, coaxing an unexpected moan to slip past your lips.

“Oh doll.. you sound even better than I imagined” he growled against your collarbone as his hands trailed under the hem of your shirt.

You couldn’t breathe, think, speak; all of the above. All you knew in existence was Bucky Barnes, his hands on your bare skin, and his mouth devouring you. When you finally found your voice and a moment of clarity, you pulled away from him only a little.

“Clothes. Lose them” you hastily muttered.

Before he did as you asked, Bucky grabbed you again; carrying you to what you assumed to be his bed — you weren’t exactly coherent enough to think of it too much. He put you on your back gently, and when he rose he pulled his long sleeved shirt over his head and threw it away from him. For a moment you laid there on your back, admiring his ripped torso.

“Holy shit” you sighed.

Bucky chuckled and motioned to you to follow his lead. Scrambling to lose your own top you felt your core heating up as he lowered himself onto the bed and on top of you.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful, Y/N” he growled in between kissing your lips and neck.

“Oh fuck.. Bucky” you whimpered.

“Mmh, the foul mouth on you, doll”

“Please..” You begged, unable to prevent the pathetic sound from leaving your throat.

“You got it, gorgeous” he smirked while unbuttoning your black jeans with ease, and pulling it down along with your panties. You shuddered due to the sudden vulnerability towards him. Bucky just stared at you in awe; as if you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

You wanted him, now. _Right fucking now_. Your body ached for him to fill you up. But Bucky clearly had other plans. He dove into the skin of your chest, removing your bra expertly in the process, gently kissing your nipple while he drew circles with his fingers around the other to divide the attention. All the while you could only moan and whimper.

“You’re so soft, baby girl. So warm..” he moaned against your skin, causing goosebumps to appear everywhere.

“Don’t stop, Bucky” you pleaded.

“Don’t worry, I’m not planning on stopping until you beg me to” he grinned kissing your skin towards your belly and hipbone.

You lost your inhibitions when his finger lightly brushed your entrance and his lips caught your clit. Your back arched involuntarily and a moan that could be identified with a scream echoed through the room.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re soaked” he growled before licking a thick stripe from your entrance to you clit, closing his eyes as if he was savouring the taste.

You knew there was no saving you when he slid his -metal- finger inside of you. You lost control and your ability unleashed. Pleasure washed over you, desire, lust, joy, ecstasy. Bucky kept his gaze on you as he worked you with his tongue. He lifted his head and pushed a second metal finger inside of you. Such hardness you had never experienced.

“O-oh.. _Oh god_ ” your voice abandoned you.

“Are you using your powers?” Bucky smirked seductively as he felt himself become even harder with desire.

You chuckled breathlessly, he kept pushing his fingers inside of you.

“Sorry.. _Oh_!” You screamed through your apology when he curled his fingers up and hit just the right spot. “I-I.. Can’t help it, I can’t think straight” you helplessly explained, Bucky wouldn’t stop his actions.

“Don’t apologise” he whispered letting himself subside in the bliss of your pleasure. “I’ve never felt anything so intense”

He never stopped pleasing you when he moved to take off his pants. Now fully naked in front of you, he began touching himself while he worked you over. His fist slowly pumping his cock while he lost himself in the taste of you.

“Bucky, wait” you whined, tugging on his hair as you reluctantly tried to get him to stop.

Breathing heavily he sat up straight, “what’s wrong?”

You shook your head and stretched out your arm, calling him over to you. His lips pulled into a loving smile and kissed his way over your body, adoring every inch of your skin up to your neck. His knee positioned in between your legs, so his thigh kept putting pressure on your bundle of nerves sending all of your senses in overdrive.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N” his lips trailed from your earlobe to your cheek before he conquered your lips. A moan escaped you again, the anticipation almost becoming too much.

“A little impatient are we?” His voice sent vibrations through your whole being.

You chuckled, “No.. Take all the time you want”

Bucky straightened himself, grinning from ear to ear he kissed you again. “You’re already getting off aren’t you?”

You laughed softly, “you wanna feel it too?”

“I’m already feeling you, baby girl” he chuckled as he squeezed your upper thigh gently.

You just smiled, trailing your hands up his ripped back. You reached his face and gently stroked his hair out of his eyes.

You rested your fingers on his temples and smiled, “get inside of me Bucky” your voice as sensual as can be.

Now it was Bucky’s turn to stutter out a breath, tripping and fumbling over it as his cock gave an interested twitch.

He repositioned himself, and gently pushed forward. The sensation of the stretch that provided was next to pure bliss. You focused as much as you could in that moment and gave the feeling you received back to him.

A violent, animalistic sound erupted from him as he tumbled forward, only barely catching himself from crushing you. Heavily breathing he looked at you, wide-eyed.

“What.. What did you do?”

“I let you feel what I feel” you whispered as you ghosted your lips against his.

“ _I_ made you feel that?” He grinned, a trace of pride in his voice.

“Yeah, now make me feel more” you took his lower lip between your teeth to enforce your demand.

“I like it when you get all bossy on me” he growled, pulling back and thrusting himself back in.

“Oh, fuck! Bucky!” You tried to be quiet but Bucky made it next to impossible. His thrusts were divine, his lips trailing kisses all over your neck and face.

You gave him everything you felt, he gave you so much more. You lost yourself in each other, hands and lips and heavy breaths all over.

“Y/N.. baby..” His voice a mere whisper, “Tell me you’re mine, please”

Your heart fluttered, you reached your arms around his neck, pulling him close. There wasn’t anything more you’d want in this world.

“I’m yours, Bucky”

He could hear the blissful smile trail through your words. He laughed softly in turn, “damn right, doll”

He kept a steady pace, rocking his hips against yours as you moved with him. Every now and then he’d move his entire body up or down, changing the angle and keeping you guessing. You’d never felt anything like it. Then again, you’d always been able to keep your ability in check while having sex. This was as new for you as it was for Bucky.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, doll” Bucky husked, lips ghosting over yours, adding all the more pleasure when you thought that to be impossible.

His hands found yours, one by one, pinning them above your head as he intertwined his fingers with yours. His gaze found yours then, a steady, heated stare that made the air around you fill with electricity, static rushing around you like lightning.

At a sweet and torturing slow pace you reached your peak.

“Bucky.. Oh! God! Bucky!” You quivered and moaned as an overwhelming orgasm took you and dragged you down. Or up. It was hard to tell with Bucky still moving so sensually, elongating your orgasm, milking it for all its worth.

Watching you in awe, Bucky was right behind you. Grunting and panting as he experienced his own, most explosive orgasm he’d ever felt.

He collapsed on top of you, sighing your name in ecstasy.

_Love_.

A bright light shook both of you out of your blissful little bubble, turning your attention to where the light came from, you found the window.

“Is that.. daylight?” The confusion on your face made Bucky laugh.

He hummed “I’m afraid we’ve been at it all night, baby girl”

You sighed, “Oh, fuck me” Your hand reached your face, rubbing at your eyes, realising this was gonna be a long day.

Bucky laughed, “again? You are insatiable”

“Hush, Bucky” you chuckled and lazily smacked his shoulder.

He laughed again, and you realised just how beautiful that sounded. You were jerked out of your thoughts when you felt yourself lift up off the bed. You squealed in surprise and ended up on top of Bucky before you even had a chance to realise what was happening.

A smug smile appeared on his face, his arms crossed behind his head.

“What?” You giggled, bashfully biting your lip.

“C'mere”

You bent forward, until your still swollen lips met with his.

Bucky moaned into your mouth, he tried to stay cool but wasn’t able to keep his hands off you.

“Mmh, doll, what are you doing to me” he growled as he inhaled your scent.

“I’d like to know what you want me to do to you” you smirked, biting his lip playfully, earning a whimper from the man.

“You’ve done it now” Bucky growled and turned the table on you again; flipping you over so you laid under him again. You laughed at his actions before he kissed you again.

This time he wasn’t so gentle with you, his movements were rough, almost desperate.

“Bucky!” You yelped in surprise when his metal fingers once again penetrated you.

'Am I hurting you?’ He furrowed his brow in concern, instantly stopping everything.

You shook your head frantically, “No, no, please, keep going”

He complied, smiling as he kept fucking you with his fingers.

“Say my name, doll. C’mon” his lips brushed your ear as he spoke. “I want to hear you scream my name”

“Bucky..” You whispered, “we have to keep quiet” you chuckled.

Bucky made a disapproving noise, “nope. Not gonna work” he grinned and pulled his fingers out. Before you could do anything he entered you again, his full length seethed completely in the blink of an eye.

Your pleasurable scream echoed through the room, and you continued to scream as he fucked you relentlessly.

Even though this wasn’t as the love making you shared all night, it felt like you were being loved. The grunts he emitted matched the rhythm of his thrusts, which became more rapid by the second.

“Y/N, I’m close..” Another animalistic grunt.

“Come Bucky, I’m right behind you” your uncontrollable moaning got louder with each of his thrusts.

“Fuck! Oh, fuck, baby girl. _God_ , you feel so fucking good” he groaned, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

You knew he’d been holding back when you finished simultaneously before losing all control of your muscles and letting him coax you into a more comfortable position. You hadn’t even noticed yourself clinging to him as if your life depended on it until he gently pulled your arms away from his shoulders.

Bucky laid the covers over your bare bodies and pulled you into his strong embrace.

With a content sigh you closed your eyes, quickly drifting off to sleep. Sadly, that didn’t last long. The door to Bucky’s room flew open just as you closed your eyes.

Bucky instinctively held you closer to protect you, but loosened his grip when he saw Steve and Natasha at the door.

“What the hell?” Steve muttered when his gaze fell on you and Bucky, his eyes widening and jaw nearly reaching the floor.

“Um.. Hi” Bucky said, grinning when he saw Steve’s expression. It was quite hilarious.

“Ugh god” you slapped your forehead, wishing you could just disappear into the mattress.

“That didn’t take long” Natasha smirked and took her leave. “Barton!” You heard her yelling from around the corner. “You owe me a 100 bucks! Get your ass over here, now!”

“You have got to be kidding me” you spoke into your hands, desperately covering your face.

“Steve, buddy, why did you and Romanoff decide to barge in here?” Bucky asked, being surprisingly relaxed under the circumstance.

“W-we heard screaming..” His voice trailed off when he realised what caused the screams in the first place.

Bucky’s smile only grew wider.

“I-.. I’m just gonna leave you guys to it” Steve stumbled over his words and couldn’t get out of there fast enough, slamming the door by accident.

“Sorry!” He said before walking -running- away.

Bucky burst out in laughter, and tried to pry your hands off your face.

“Hey, baby girl. C’mere” he lifted your chin so you’d face him. “What’s wrong, beautiful?” Still an amused look on his face.

“I have never been more mortified” you grumbled with a blank stare.

“Oh, come on. You’ve never been caught?” He giggled like a teenager.

You groaned, but your smile shone through. In all the time you’d spent with him, he never seemed more carefree.

“I think you were about to get some rest” Bucky whispered against your lips before kissing the corner of your mouth and then your lips.

You moaned softly into the kiss, “was I? I can’t remember what I was doing” you giggled.

“Sleep, baby girl” he whispered.

You smiled and nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck.

“Remember, doll. You’re mine” he murmured as his arms sneaked their way back around your body.

You hummed in agreement “and you’re mine” you mused, already drifting off to sleep.

“Damn right, doll”

His words echoed in your mind as you fell asleep with a satisfied smile on your face.

* * *

Waking up with Bucky was like you were still asleep, dreaming. Not needing as much sleep, being a super-soldier, Bucky was already wide awake when your eyes fluttered open. Noticing his muscular chest which your head laid on, you planted a gentle kiss on his pec. He absentmindedly played with your hair until he felt your soft kiss.

“Hey, baby girl”

“Hey” you croaked, trying to blink away any residual sleep from your eyes.

You felt his chest shake with a chuckle.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked while lifting your chin towards him.

You hummed, nuzzling your face into his neck before he lightly tapped your chin to get your attention. He pressed his lips to yours, emitting a pleased moan as he squeezed the soft flesh of your ass.

You felt him smile into the kiss, and couldn’t help but giggle.

Bucky used that opportunity to open the kiss and explore your mouth with his tongue.

You pulled away laughing, trying to escape him. “Bucky!”

“What, doll? Something wrong?”

“Yes! Morning breath!” You giggled as you sat up. “I smell horrible” you sounded muffled when you put your hand over your mouth.

“Nonsense, baby girl. You smell beautiful” he pulled you back into his chest and kissed you again.

You moaned into the kiss and pushed yourself off him again. “No. No no no. I wanna brush my teeth”

“Mmh baby, you’re so hot when you try to deny me” he grabbed you harshly, though careful not to hurt you, and threw you on your back. With a sly move he sat on top of you, a huge grin on his face.

“You were going somewhere?” He asked sweetly.

You laughed, and knowing that you wouldn’t be able to get out of his hold, you kissed him.

“That’s more like it” he said in between touches.

“d’You always get what you want?” Your lips ghosted against his.

“I got you, didn’t I?” his lips trailing along your jawline in his turn.

You giggled at his response, “that you did”

“That’s all I want”

Later that night you finally dared to emerge from Bucky’s room, under heavy duress from Bucky himself. Saying you were gonna have to face them eventually, and might as well just get it over with.

Walking into the kitchen where Steve and Bruce were casually talking, Bucky pulled you back and gave you another kiss before letting you walk in; but not without his hand around yours.

Steve looked up at you and instantly smirked, obviously he’d gotten over his initial embarrassment of walking in on his best friend having sex.

“Hey Y/N” Bruce said smiling, you could feel he’d heard about the little incident and thanked him silently for keeping quiet about it.

“So..” Steve cleared his throat. “I’m glad you decided to join us. We’ve already eaten, you know”

You sighed, “too bad I missed out on that” Thinking of the scrutiny you’d be under around the dinner table with all of them, you weren’t sorry at all.

“Hey lovebirds” Natasha startled you from behind. You turned to find Nat, Wanda and Tony with grins from ear to ear on their faces.

You huffed, “Okay, fine guys, get it all out of your system”

“What do you mean?” Tony’s grin grew larger with every word.

“I think she’s talking about the fact that Cap and Nat barged in on her and Bucky ‘fondueing’ this morning” Wanda could hardly hold back her laughter.

Nat and Steve were already too far gone, they kicked off laughing, and you felt a smile come on your face that you couldn’t repress. The awkwardness of the situation suddenly seemed as hilarious to you as it did to them.

“But, eh, seriously, Barnes” Nat said still laughing in between, “you work real fast”

“That’s not my experience” you muttered as you gratefully accepted a cup of coffee from Bruce.

Bruce sputtered with laughter, “Oh, she went there” he held out his hand, and you clapped it with yours without missing a beat.

Bucky couldn’t believe his ears. Here you were, a quiet, sweet girl, who really, _really_ , didn’t want to face all of them, actually boasting about.. well, his skills. He shook his head lightly with a proud smirk on his lips.

“Oh.. my” Wanda muttered looking at Bucky. He just shrugged, but still with a smug look on his face.

“Guess that super soldier thing is working for him” Natasha whispered a little too loud on purpose.

“I’ll say” you mumbled walking past everyone and pulling Bucky with you.

You heard the shrieks and laughs come from the kitchen as you walked away.

“I didn’t expect that from you” Bucky’s amusement was clear.

You huffed, “well. I thought this approach would be the least painful. And lets be honest; it was worth bragging about”

Bucky pulled you back towards him, “yeah. It was doll” he kissed you. “I’d like to do it again” the familiar husky tone in his voice returned.

“No time” you said as you pried yourself from his arms.

“What? Why not?” He whined.

“Because you’re gonna teach me how to fight” you smirked as you pulled him further down the hall.

“I’m _what_ now?” The thought of stopping you though, wasn’t even occurring to him.

“You’re teaching me how to fight” you repeated as if he hadn’t heard right, pushing the doors towards the gym open. Nobody was there, it already being after dinner time and everyone enjoying a night off.

“And why am I doing that?” Bucky seemed amused by your idea.

“Well, why not?” You sounded as innocent as you could.

“Because you don’t have to fight” Bucky argued grinning.

“Well honey, if I’m sharing a bed with you more often, I’m gonna need something to keep up” you shone a seductive smile.

Bucky’s mouth hung open at your comment. When he was done gaping at you he shook his head in confusion. “Well I-.. Um. Wow” he muttered. He took a deep breath, “Okay, fine” he finally gave in. “If you really want to, I’ll train you. But I’m not gonna go easy on you, dollface”

You chuckled, “I expect nothing less, _Sargent_ ” you smiled playfully.

“Oh, now there you go again” he growled as he took a few large strides towards you. Grabbing you by the waist, he lifted you up over his shoulder. He continued to walk with huge steps through the doors of the training area.

You laughed at his actions, “Sargent Barnes! What are you doing?” You now knew that calling him that made him lose some inhibitions, so you egged it on.

“Mmh baby girl, you’re gonna get it” you heard him growl as much as you felt the tremors of his voice through your entire body.

“No! Bucky, you said you’d teach me how to fight” you laughed while dangling over his shoulder.

He sighed excessively, “Fine, doll. But after that..”

“After that, I’m gonna get it. Yes Sir” you saluted him.

He snorted silently at your reaction, realising he was falling head over heels for you. The sweet girl he met a few months ago, who pulled him out of a deep, dark abyss had a few different sides to her, it seemed. And he couldn’t wait to explore them all.


End file.
